So I checked out The Haunting in Connecticut this past weekend, and don't worry I'm not going to spoil the movie for you (we're not that diabolical). However, this unsuspecting film was billed as being based on a true story (so you know I had to see it).

Apparently, this movie was #1 in the box office, and I think its 'cause there hasn't been a horror movie out in awhile (I don't count the new Friday the 13th... some ol' bullsh!t). And I'm a huge fan of horror films*, so I had to hit it up, 'cause it seemed interesting.

*Pet Peeve: Punks - I get so upset by people who say "I hate scary movies!" or "I don't watch that stuff"... Really? My grandma watches horror movies (I guess the civil rights era was scarier than any ghost). Its not REAL!! Its a movie genre meant to screw with our natural fight or flight reaction and its AWESOME. I personally find romantic comedies that make love and courtship seem "simple and clean" to be scary and intimidating (Oh how I wish an okay looking Senator can come sweep me off my feet while I clean rooms at a hotel I couldn't afford to stay at... http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7784366.stm) So, next time some punk whines about their fear of horror movies asked them whats worse? Squirming and screaming for an hour and a half or a life filled of unrealistic expectations and failed relationships? AND I'M DONE!

So back to the movie, I went into the film without much expectations, but I was pleasantly amused by the plot and the aloof characters were just waiting to get tore up by some ghost. The plot essentially was a family moves into a haunted house in Connecticut, because the oldest son was suffering with cancer and the drive back and forth between the hospital in CT and their home was too much, so they moved into a home in CT, and they got what they deserved for their impatience. But seriously, this movie was so hilarious it was scary, I recommend you go see it with some cool friends and just be loud and rude, it'll make the movie experience worth it. In general some take aways from the Haunting in CT, white folk like adventures and old homes; that why they always getting haunted by white ghosts (low-cost housing in NYC don't got no ghost, 'cause those ghosts know better than to have they triflin' asses rummaging through our sh*t, plus its too damn loud between sirens and train stops to hear all that creakin' and creepin'). Also, my kids will not be playing hide and seek (read a book/watch some TV LOL).

The D.C. Chronicles are recountings of my times in the District of Columbia. Whenever, I'm in town, I never cease to enjoy myself or have some random experiences that absolutely redefine my life for the time being. These won't be so much blog post as stories of one half of the Diabolical Duo.



DC Chronicles - The Fireplace
Friday, February 27, 2009

This day started off frantically. I was in DC for the Model African Union (MAU) conference, and I was chairing a committee and to be completely honest, I didn't know sh*t. So I woke up that morning at like 6am to get dress for the conference that started at 9am, so that I could get my thoughts together and study parliamentary procedure (Are you bored yet?). By the way, groupies and lovers, you're gonna have to get used to the detail of my storytelling style; you'll appreciate it in the end. So anywayz, the committee meeting started off rough, but by the end of the day, I was called out of order by some pale chick representing Sierra Leone*, and I didn't throw the gavel at her, which means that I did a great job.


*Pet Peeve #1: Dumbface - I hate when people make dumb and/or confused faces to make a point. Its not attractive.**

That evening, the Colgate crew and I went to dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant in Adams Morgan (don't know the name; cause I would rep it.) The best damn service ever and the waitress were sweet and the busboy was hot. I was wearing a crisp, white v-neck t-shirt and a black, glossy members only jacket, and I must even admit I looked fuego. So after the dinner, the crew walked to Dupont circle to drink at some okey doke bar, and once we got there I dipped and ran off by myself.**

**Pet Peeve #2: The Henoch - I have a friend who has a pathological addiction to ditching folk. He will just run away, and then turn off his phone. So I hate that. And I did it. LOL.

Then I was on my way down P Street on a mission. I was gonna find a bar for me. And low and behold, The Fireplace was the last bar on the corner of P St. after I had been walking forever. So I kinda circled the place for a bit. Its a ritual, I've been to a number of gay bars in my vast 22 years, but I always get this same nervousness, like my momz is gonna see me and I'm gonna have to explain myself (You all know that feeling). So I walk in and there is a $5 cover charge; that sh*t was exorbitant (that was my drink budget lol). As I enter, there is some skinny black dude with his booty overflowing his jeans, and he was wearing some blue and red striped manties, and they are playing like Madonna or something, and there are a bunch of men of varying ages (40 - 60 years), and I was pissed that I paid $5. They were all looking at me like some alien, so I did Pet peeve #1 (LOL). I went up to the bar ordered a long island ice tea, and I didn't leave a tip, and I asked the bartender when the place closes, and he told me, and then he said something magnificent, there is an upstair where they play "hip-hop". I swear my face must've lit up, and I basically skipped up this narrow ass stairway pasts some dirty bathroom and then it was like a hidden utopia of black gay men. They were playing "Get Me Bodied" by Beyonce, and there was some lil' old black lady with short blond hair doing the "Uh Oh... Uh Oh, Uh Oh, Uh Oh", so I knew I was in the right place. So as I entered the upstairs bar, it was kinda like the room paused for me (LOL... get used to the EGO, groupies and lovers). So I walked to back of the bar and grabbed a seat next to some skinny dark-skinned dude and his lesbian friend (who was gorgeous btw; I was staring at her all night, I had a girl crush for Randi the lesbian). So I ordered a cranberry and vodka from Scott the white bartender (Scott had some hood in him; I'm not even gonna front).

I'm sitting at this bar, and my first inclination was to be depressed, 'cause I missed my booski. But then, I made the life choice to instead look like I was too good for the place, but I'm here so I'd might as well enjoy it. Well lemme tell you, I was kinda like a hit at this bar. I dunno if it was that I was new or that I am "cute as f*ck" (according to one bar patron named Danny). Whatever the case, I was getting hit on left and right. These dudez were intent on getting me drunk and it WORKED. This kinda obese dude came up to me, and I was dancing to something, and he nervously whispered, "Thats ya song, huh?" While I would have ignored him ordinarily, he looked really nervous and I remember that feeling in a past life. So I gave him some time (3.26 minutes to be exact), and he squandered it by asking, "Are you hawaiian?" So I played with him and said yes (LOL). That seemed to make his day. To be completely honest, I don't why I look blasian (black and asian). I suppose (to quote Floetry), "I'm just built like this." Well anywayz, I turned away from him, so then his friend tried to make a go at it (I don't think they know, I noticed this, maybe the first guy was doing recon for the second guy, but whatever. The other guy, Wayne, came up to me with a much better game and he bought me a drink, and he tricked me into giving him my number by saying come to Club Liv, and of course, I didn't know where the hell that was, so he said he'd text me. That n*igga got me, cause he's been texting me recklessly with no reference to the location of the club, so I've just been responding with, "Whose this?" (LOL, I know you the f*ck it is), so that was no bueno. Then the night went on, guys continued to run that game, and I was getting gone. There was a fat dude on the other side of bar getting his from some lil nugget with braids, but that lil nugget kept eyeing me, and I was not tryna start any trouble; so I gave him "the look", and that was that. Some light-skinned dude was going around the bar doing some promotion for camel cigarettes and giving out lighters. So he came up to me to ask me if I was interested in the promotion, so of course, I said yes, this dude was sexy. Then he told me, he needed to scan my ID with some machine he had so while I was looking for my ID, he whispered in my ear, "You're a fine ass brutha." So I took a page from the book of the better half of the Diabolical Duo, and I asked, "Why do you say that?" So he was like, "well look at you, those eyes and those lips." By that time, I couldn't care less if he was stealing my identity with that machine (LOL... he prolly was), I played coy and then my f*ckin ID wouldn't scan, so he gave me the stuff anywayz for "being sexy". This was a good night. Randi the lesbian had an argument with her girlfriend right next to me, and she put her in her place. By this time, the hours had past quickly, and the bar was packed and I was getting tired. As I was about to leave, some guy sat next to me, and he was SO attractive (then again I was drunk), and he kind of reminded me of Noah from the Arc, so I didn't even think twice before saying hello. If you think those other dudes have swagga, you've haven't seen my game yet (LOL j/k). So I said to this dude, "Hello, I'm not hitting on you, but I just wanna know ya name." And then...

Entry # 1 Closed

Check back in for the end of this story, I promise its good.

Preview
Next: DC Chronicles - The Yaris: Find out about the mystery dude from the bar
Then: DC Chronicles - U Street: Find out about the crazy lady at Creme.
Then: DC Chronicles - The Mill: Find out about the so called Mill and the not so straight cabby who interviewed me on the life and times of Michael Jackson.